I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
