I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
