You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
