If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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