Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
