oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
