I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
