i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
