It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
