Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
