So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize