His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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