Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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