Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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