I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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