Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
