im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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