i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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