He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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