You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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