loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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