i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
