I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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