Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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