after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
