Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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