You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
