theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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