I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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