He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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