god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
