Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize