so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
