Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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