I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
