Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
