and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize