Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if only i could text you this smell
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
