New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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