Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
