Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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