the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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