check it out our google latitudes are spooning
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
