She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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