I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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