Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
