I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
