It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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