Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
