dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
