dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
