Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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