i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I love having hate sex.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
