I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize