my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
