we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
