I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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