I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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