Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
