I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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