I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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