So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
