Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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