You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
