Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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