Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
