There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
