K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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